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From before | After this

thoughts

I just realised something after a rousing game of Zoo Tycoon: I lead a very pointless life. I'm very sick of it. I wish I had things to do on weeknights other than sit at home in front of this computer. I remember feeling intensely suicidal. Intensely. I remember why, just not how terrible it felt. I'm not sure, but I think it's coming on again. I'll have to talk to Dan, he gets me out of these things. He did the last couple times. Although I don't think sex will help this time. I don't think it helped last time, either. He's noticed I'm very quiet lately and don't seem myself at all. I think getting another tattoo will help. The adrenaline from it (is that normal? its a very exilerating experience) should perk me up for a month...until I find another way to keep happy. Or maybe I won't spend money to be happy. Is there any other way???

I don't want to go to my first aid course toorrow. It is the worst thing ever. I learned how to resusitate (i probably spelled that wrong) a child (1-8years old for the unenlightened) and assess terrible accidents. Then I got home and attempted to open the EASY OPEN can of chef boyardee spaghetti and meatballs (the first time i ever attempted this, i sprayed sauce all over my mothers kitchen cause it was so flippin hard to open) and sliced my baby finger open, a cut i washed and put polysporin on. You can bleed through polysporin, I learned today. So I now sport a Blue's Clues bandaid (the new ones with Joe on them. I hate joe...bring back steve).

I'm bored and my stomach hurts. Maybe I'll make nachos and play a nintendo64 game. And have a gigantic glass of milk. AHHHHH, comfort food

Comments

( 4 spoke — Orate )
i_bleed_magenta
9th Aug, 2004 19:21 (UTC)
well, i sit home most nights too unless i'm with ben. then we sit in my room. so, call me or something. i'm almost always here.
(Anonymous)
10th Aug, 2004 10:51 (UTC)
What exactly is wrong with your life? You are bored, I got that much, but what else is there? Why aren't you happy with your life? Suicide is not the answer, I know this from experience. tattoos are an interesting artistic thing to get into, but they aren't going to solve your problems. Talk with me more, and I'll see if I can help you. Rockaholic989@hotmail.com
hidden_kitten
10th Aug, 2004 19:02 (UTC)
all the teenagers are suicidal in this town...if ur not, ur strange...its not the 'cool' thing...it just happens to be true.
(Anonymous)
12th Aug, 2004 13:42 (UTC)
rockaholic989@hotmail.com
Well, i just think that there's a reason for everything, and I doubt you really have any reason at all to be depressed or suicidal. If you haven't talked to your boyfriend yet I think that you should, if you love him you will. And if he loves you he will help you through it.
( 4 spoke — Orate )