1. Please do not order a sandwich, walk down to where the Sandwich Distributing Timbot is and begin to tell said Timbot what you would like and not like on your sandwich. That's why you talked to a different person at the cash register. We are not Subway. Drink your coffee and shut up.
2. Do not order 'triple double'. You will almost always get the wrong drink. There is no such thing as a 'double double with an extra cream'. It's called a triple cream double sugar. If you can't figure it out, go hoome and make it yourself. It's cheaper. Otherwise, shut up and drink your coffee.
3. Iced capps are the devil. If you order more than one, expect it to take a while. It takes even longer than a cafe mocha. If you just can't wait, buy a coffee and shut up.
4. If you have an accent, DON'T GO THROUGH THE DRIVE THROUGH! The only way to get your order right is to lip-read. And don't mumble. Get your coffee at the counter and shut up.
5. Sticky money is gross. Enough said.
6. GST went down and you're complaining that it's only a penny. You're complaining as much as when the prices go UP. Just put you penny in the camp box and shut up.
7. Don't talk on your cellphone while ordering. It's hard enough to understand you while wearing a headset at the counter, much less when you're not paying attention to thelittle beige-cloaked employee on the other side of the counter. Either tell the other person to wait or hang up.
8. If there's two of you and you're buying two coffees, don't treat Timbots like idiots because we don't offer a tray. There's FOUR hands and TWO coffees...what's your problem? Drink it and shut up.
9. Regular is not a size. Regular does not mean black coffee. Regular does not necessarily mean caffeinated. Regular means one cream and one sugar.
10. If there is so consistently not enough cream in your coffee that you order cream in and on the side, try ordering it with more cream in it! It's okay to say 'I'd like a medium coffee with two large cream' or 'I'd like a small with a medium cream' and stuff like that. It's dumb to order things on the side when we're rigth here to do it FOR you1 IT'S TIM HORTON'S!
11. Saying 'a large with extra cream' will not get you more than double cream. And if you want double cream, say so. We don't know. Same with 'lots' and 'a little'. Lots to us is FOUR. Lots to a customer is usually two. A little to us is a half of a small cream. A little to most customers is one cream, no matter the size.
12. You don't need sugar because you're 'not sweet enough'. That's exceedingly lame.
13. Don't hand us your Tim Horton's mug and say 'this is a [whatever size] mug'. We work for the company that manufactured it. It has the logo on it. So do our uniforms.
14. Don't walk up and order a coffee and a bagel. It's pronounced something like this: 'I'll have a large double double and an everything bagel toasted with herb and garlic cream cheese'. Bagels are not assumed to be toasted with cream cheese. Just because you think that's the way it should be most definitely does not mean that's the way it is.
15. We don't find you funny. Ever.
16. No, we can't let you cheap us a penny just this time. The tills have to balance, just like everywhere else.
17. Despite what it seems, we all hate you.